What is
Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive and assaultive behaviors used to gain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Types of abuse can include physical, emotional/verbal, and sexual abuse. Not all abusers use the same tactics, and tactics can change and get worse over time. While physical violence is frightening and can be lethal, emotional/verbal abuse is the most common type, and often the most harmful.

Being abusive is a CHOICE by an individual. The abuser makes a conscious choice to abuse his/her intimate partner. Nothing “makes” a person become abusive. It is not caused by lack of money, alcohol, drugs, unemployment, stress, or mental illness. When a person abuses, IT IS A CHOICE.

What Does
Domestic Violence Look Like?

About 1 in 4 women & 1 in 10 men have experienced some form of domestic violence in their lifetime.

Common Red Flags of Domestic Violence Abusers

  • Wants the relationships to move quickly
  • Doesn’t honor partner’s boundaries
  • Excessively jealous
  • Accuses partner of cheating
  • Says one thing and does another
  • Seems “too good to be true”
  • Has an entitlement belief/attitude

Physical Violence/ Abuse

  • Hitting, kicking, slapping, shoving, pinching
  • Strangulation, smothering, burning
  • Destroying property, throwing and/or breaking things
  • Hurting/killing pets
  • Denying medical care/medicine
  • Leaving a victim in an unsafe place
  • Not letting the victim leave

Emotional/Verbal Abuse

  • Shifting blame onto the victim for the abuse
  • Name-calling, putdowns, degradation
  • Manipulation, threats, intimidation, coercion
  • Excessive jealousy
  • Isolation, minimization
  • Gaslighting
  • Blackmailing
  • Using technology to stalk/control/manipulate

Sexual Violence/ Abuse

  • Forcing the victim to do any sexual act that they do not want to do
  • Rape, attempting to rape
  • Making the victim afraid to refuse sex
  • Forcing the victim to have sex with other people
  • Denying or sabotaging contraception
  • Threatening to share intimate photos/information

Financial Abuse

  • Not allowing the victim to have control of their own finances
  • Not allowing victims to work or forcing them to work and taking their money
  • Opening accounts in the victim’s name without permission
  • Purposely sabotaging the victim’s credit

What can you do?

Where can you go for help? What are your resources?

Keep important documents or a copy of important documents in a safe and accessible place.

Come up with a code word with your safe person in case of emergency. This will alert your safe person to call law enforcement in case you can’t.

Identify safe places in your community like police stations, churches, and shelters. It’s important to know where to go should you need help.

Create a safety plan with someone you trust.

Inform a safe person (family, friend, coworker) about what is going on.

Have an emergency bag packed in case you need to leave quickly.

Have a plan to keep your kids safe in case of emergency.

We are
available by phone
24 hours a day,
365 days a year.

If you are a victim of abuse and need help, contact Center for Survivors directly by phone or in person. Individuals are also referred to us for services by law enforcement, Health and Human Services, and other community service organizations. Center for Survivors advocates are available to help you with free and confidential services!

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